Daily Blague

Everyone seems to agree that 2004 was the Year of the Web Log, or (you knew this?) the "Blog." 2005, therefore, will be the Year of How to Use a Blog. This means you. You think that you can come and go at will, read what you like while ignoring the rest, and forget to say "please" and "thank you." Well, think again. With my terrifyingly accurate tracking software, I can follow your every move -  or I could if I knew how the damn thing works. Ahem! In the spirit of the Second Bush Administration, I have created democratically-developed step-by-step instructions for interacting with this blog. Feel free to print them and tape them to your medicine cabinet, for daily consultation. In fact, don't feel free: just memorize and swallow.

I  Permalinks

Begin by writing an enthusiastic courriel about this blog to a friend, preferably a friend over forty. Don't send it just yet, though! Review it for grammar and spelling, and make sure that you have mentioned the Daily Blague by name. Set the courriel aside and open your browser. If your browser's default settings do not automatically open the Daily Blague, adjust them.

When the rush of admiration for my clever writing subsides, choose a post that your elderly friend would like to read. It doesn't really matter which one you select; they're all great, IMHO.

A "post" is a paragraph, or a more-or-less coherent series of paragraphs, appearing between a bold-faced header, such as "Loose Links," and the small-print line that begins with "Posted by..."

The first underlined item on the small-print line is a Permalink. There! I've just tinkered with the chassis and now it says so! See the "Permalink" in parentheses? This means that the "(Permalink)" is a Permalink. Your elderly correspondent may not know what a Permalink is, and it's possible that you don't know what a Permalink is, either, so I am going to tell you what a Permalink is, using the word (Permalink) in every clause of every sentence so that it will be impossible for anyone with a triple-digit IQ (yes, that means you, even if you're Permalink-challenged) not to learn exactly what a Permalink is. But before you can grasp what a Permalink is, you have to know something about Blogs. (There is always a Permalink catch.)

A Web log is a collection of posts that is organized as archives. The slightly confusing detail to seize on here is that Blog posts are archived immediately, not when they're a week old or something. What you see when you visit a blog  is its most recent archives - generally those posted during the past seven or fourteen days. The blogging software reviews the archives and presents the latest ones in an attractive setting. Every post is an independent Web page, and, like any Web page, it has its own URL, or address. In the Blogosphere, we call the URL of a post a "Permalink," because it is always the same. When a post becomes "too old" to appear in the Blog's "attractive setting," it doesn't go anywhere, it just doesn't show up. But it can be summoned by visitors. (This is all rather like the Jefferson Institute in Coma, if you know that film.) If you scroll down on the column to the left, you will eventually come to two lists, "Categories" and "Archives." The Archives, clearly enough, arrange posts by date, and Categories, equally clearly, I hope, arrange them by subject matter. Why don't you explore these lists for a few minutes while I see how breakfast is coming along.

Let's go back to the post that you've chosen to tell your friend about. Are we there? Good. Now, move your cursor to the Permalink. Yes - that's the underlined bit that states the time at which I wrote the post and, now, the actual word itself, "Permalink," in parentheses ["()"]. When you have made sure that the cursor is positioned over the Permalink, lift your eyes to the browser's Address box (marked "Address" on MSIE 6, but not on FireFox). See what it says there? "http://www.portifex.com/DailyBlague." Now, now, click the Permalink. Et voilà. If the post that you selected wasn't at the top of the Daily Blague page before, it is now. And check out the contents of the Address box. It is the Permalink for this post.

Optional observation for extra credit (do not read this if your brain is at all fogged): Blogs have not been around long enough for serious philosophical debate to consider whether a Permalink is (a) the underlined bit that you clicked on a minute ago or (b) the Blog post's individual URL. For our purposes today, it is both.

Now return to the courriel - which, by now, you will have understood to be an email; but we are not going to use that nasty word anymore, at least to describe what used to be called letters; we are going to adopt the recent French coinage, without italics, because it is quite easy to say in English - and find the spot where you've written "Daily Blague." Highlight these words and click whatever you have to click to insert a hyperlink. If you have never inserted a hyperlink in a letter, insert a pair of parentheses after "Daily Blague." Returning to your browser, select and copy the Permalink - the URL in the Address box. Back at the courriel, paste the Permalink either in the appropriate hyperlink box or between the parentheses (and perhaps within quotation marks). Your letter will look either like this:

Dear John,

I've found a great picture of Istanbul, and you can see it at the Daily Blague.

Yours,

Mary

or like this:

Dear John,

I've found a great picture of Istanbul, and you can see it at the Daily Blague ("http://www.portifex.com/DailyBlague/archives/2005/01/why_i_am_ready.html").

Yours,

Mary 

It is only when you send this letter that the purpose of the Permalink will have been achieved. Indeed, the very purpose of the blog format itself. The whole point of a blog is to make it easy for you to direct your friends to pages that you think will interest them. Eventually, even distracted bond traders willl know this. At the moment, it still requires some spelling out.

II  Comments

The mechanics of posting comments on a blog are relatively self-evident. You need to give a name, not necessarily your own (right, PPOQ?); your email address and URL are optional. You will find that when other another commenter's name appears with an underline, it functions as a link, either to your email editor or to the commenter's own Web site or log. I need only remind you that the "Preview" button can be very handy. (If you don't know what using HTML tags for style means, don't worry - we'll get to that some other time.) Posting comments is easy. So do it.

You need not be witty, clever, profound, or in any way memorable. If you want to be those things, you ought to set up a blog of your own. You may, of course, infuse your comments with esprit and profondeur, but if you don't, nobody's going to mind. That's because the point of commenting is (a) to put in your own two cents and (b) to give the post on which you're commenting that lived-in look that we all find so inviting. Comments breed more comments.

But you are feeling shy; you have never commented and you want to make a good first impression. With that in mind, I have developed a foolproof drill or trial run. Click "Comments," below, and write "Thank you!" in the big comment box. (Then click on "Post") The virtue of this "Thank you!" is that it can be either sincere or ironic; it is sure to capture your feelings about this post.

Go ahead, comment! Come on, Judy, this means you, too!