Daily Blague

Many thanks to everyone who has worried about me. I'm immensely moved - and that's why the concern can stop. If I were really disturbed, I wouldn't care. And for a few hours yesterday morning, I didn't care. But I see now that not caring was a sound response to a bad circumstance. The hurling myself in front of a train part wasn't sound, I admit. But the shut-down was very wise. It was, after all, a shut-down that concentrated not on local subway stops but on getting to the therapist's at 12:30.

The fractious computer didn't bother me for the usual reasons - I want my MTV! - but for my own. Introducing long and, occasionally, thoughtful essays with short and punchy lead-ins on the blog has become What I Do. And let me tell you: spending most of your free time on a learning curve in your late fifties is not something that I recommend to anybody. It's Arctic. Almost everybody you talk to is half your age. Or - and this is a compliment to you, bub (meaning me) - gay* Or gay and half your age.

Anyway, I got caught. The a/c was out and my computer wasn't working, and now I'm not going to Connecticut for a week of R and R and Kathleen's not going to Kuala Lumpur for some important career development. There was a time when I'd have wondered if I'd stage-managed things to keep Kathleen from traveling, but I know that we're not there anymore. I just broke down: heat and Microsoft are the culprits. Or rather, my fatigue after whistling in the dark for over a year.

The phone rings. It's nearly one in the morning. It's Kuala Lumpur. What if they teleconference Kathleen?

That is so wow.

*And wonders about you. As if you hadn't.